If your child struggles in school, it stands to reason that homework time might involve things like:
Whining
Procrastination
Flurry of physical activity
Does this sound at all familiar? It does get kind of frustrating, but I do feel for my kids. Honestly, this is the kind of stuff I do when I have trouble sitting down and getting to work.
I know it might be hard to take but kids need to do these things before they actually hit the books. It helps them transition to the tough job of concentrating and focusing after a long day at school.
When my kids ask me for help with homework, I usually say, “I did my homework already when I was a kid. I can help a little but it needs to be done by you!”
Between you and me, I don’t recall doing much homework when I was in school. I also don’t remember arguing with my parents about homework at all. It seems that kids are overloaded these days. Their backpacks are heavier and their workload seems tougher.
If I had my way, I would limit the amount of homework my kids were required to do. Since I don’t like to make waves, I just try to help find ways to make homework easier for my kids.
Here is what can help:
1. Help them transition from school to home to homework:
Many times kids have a tough time sitting down to their homework. It is tough to move from one activity to another, especially something you are not particularly motivated to do. I have found that my kids need a break when they come home. A snack, a short video, a bicycle ride or hanging out on the jungle gym. They seem better able to focus after a little down time.
2. Empathize and ask a responsibility question:
If you are morally opposed to doing your kids homework, like I am, then you want to make sure that they feel responsible for it themselves. This will make it easier because you wont always be engaged in a power struggle about homework.
So if your kids are having a rough time getting settled, you don’t want to say:
“You better do your homework or you are not going out to pizza tonight!”
“You need to sit down right now and do your homework or you are never going to get anywhere in life!”
When you say things like that you give your child the idea that homework is very important to you and that he is not capable of being in charge of himself and his homework. In the quirky world of child development, you have just taken the responsibility for doing his homework out of his hands and put it into yours. Kids can end up thinking, “Hey, my Mom thinks this is a big deal. I am going to let her worry about it and get uptight. That way, I don’t really have to do anything at all.”
So instead, you want to say things like:
* “Looks like you are having some trouble getting settled, when do you think would be a good time for you to get your homework done?”
* “ We are going out for pizza tonight. How long does it take you to do your homework? Do you think you will be able to join us?”
This helps you show your child that you understand that homework is difficult. Howevery, you are also sending the message that he is capable of completing his homework by himself.
3. Gum Anyone?
I remember the Dentyne commercial recommending that kids chew sugarless gum to help reduce cavities. It seems as if gum has another benefit. It aids in concentration and focus. I haven’t actually tried this but my friend has. Her 12-year old daughter, Mimi, chews gum during homework time. Both, Mimi and her Mom are happy with the results. They both think it has definitely helped.
Homework time can be a challenge, helping kids transition, being compassionate and giving them gum, are all some simple things that can help.
Need help dealing with a defiant child? You can find out more, check out our audio:
When Your Child Is Defiant: Simple Ways To Avoid Power Struggles