Since November we have been discussing the processes of Executive Functions and how difficulties in these areas impacts children and the adults who care for them. In the past few weeks we have spoken about how help children manage their difficulties in the area of Executive Functions. We spoke about giving children choices, some control, helping them process directions, limit over scheduling, singing, praising organized behavior, developing routines and avoid using negative labels . Here is another simple tip:
Don’t assume negative intent:
Clinicians and parents should not always assume that the motivation behind their child’s behavior is a negative one. For example, Parents may think:
• “My child is not organized because she is just trying to get out of doing her school work !”
• “My son is not getting dressed because he wants to annoy me!”
• “My daughter did poorly on her test because she is too lazy to study!”
Adults need to look for the good in their child’s behavior instead of reacting negatively and assuming their child is misbehaving. When we attribute negative motives to our children’s behavior, it makes us angry and we can’t discipline effectively. We are more likely to respond:
• “You are being so difficult. Why can’t you just get it together!”
• “How dare you not get dressed! You are so disrespectful!”
• “You better study next time. No TV until you improve your grades!”
When we respond negatively to children we place them in a situation where their only recourse is to attack or defend themselves. They become hurt and they can exhibit oppositional behavior.
To discipline effectively and nurture relationships with children we want to assign a positive motive to their behavior instead of a negative one.
• “You seem like you are having some trouble with your school work. Let’s see if we could put our heads together and see if you can come up with some simple ways to organize your work.”
• “You probably did not realize how important it is to get dressed in a timely manner. What would be a good way for you to do that?”
• “I am sure you studied for your test in the best way you could. I know you will figure out a way to improve your grades. Let me know if there is anyway I can help.”
When we assign positive intent we show faith in children’s innate goodness. We promote strong and loving interactions. Children will not feel the need to oppose the adults in their lives and then we will be free to direct children kindly and firmly to use better more organized behavior.
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