In our last post we spoke about some of the unrealistic expectations we, parents, have of ourselves as we parent. Some of us are too hard on ourselves. We can’t possibly live up to the high ideals that we have set for ourselves. This can lead us to feeling unhappy, inadequate and probably angry.
We also need to look at the expectations that we have of our children. They may be unrealistic as well.
We might think:
My child should always behave properly
My child should know better
My child is smart and should get good grades: Good grades mean all A’s nothing lower
My child should always feel happy. It they are sad, then something must be wrong with me
My child should always be respect and obey me
My child should play sports and be good at it
My child should take art classes
My child should dress a certain way
My child should get out of bed right away
My child should keep his room clean the way I want it
It might seem silly but if we examine what we expect of our kids we might see some pretty unrealistic expectations. If we can modify them a bit to something more realistic we will all be a lot happier:
My child sometimes gets tired, hungry, cranky, and moody. They won’t always behave properly.
My child does not always know what is expected of her. She sometimes actually does not know better.
My child can still be considered smart even if she does not get all A’s. (Her talents and strengths may lie in different area, not academics)
My child will feel a whole range of emotions, because she is human. It is my job to help her learn how to manage her emotions by letting her own them and feel them.
My child should learn to respect me. It is for her own good. She needs to be disrespectful sometimes in order to learn what is considered respectful and what constitutes disrespect.
My child might have two left feet but is still a valuable person. (His talents and strengths may lie in different area,like academics)
My child might not be able to draw a straight line, but he is still a valuable person.(His talents and strengths may lie in different area, perhaps in athletics)
My child has her own style, as long as it covers all appropriate areas, it will be okay.
My child needs some time to lounge around in bed. I will schedule accordingly.
My child should keep his room clean the way I want it. (Yes, you read that right. This is my very high expectation that I have of my children. Trust me, it is not pretty. Am I ready to let go? Almost. I am working on it.)
Try to take the time to figure out what your expectations are of your kid that are unrealistic. It will help you figure out the source of some of your angry feelings. Hopefully, you can work on letting them go…